​January 19th, 2023

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Dear Cony, 

 

I shouldn’t have been mad at you. Even though I kept thinking I had a reason, I probably didn't anyway. I was not able to understand all the things you must have gone through, and you must have gone through a lot, and I am so sorry about it. I realize now that I cannot just hijack myself back into your life and expect you to process it the way I want. Though I never thought we were apart like that, you must have felt so, and I have not considered your journey. It must have been really hard to see me again so suddenly. 

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If most of the words I will ever say to you are “I love you,” then the second most would be “you're beautiful” and “I am sorry.”

 

Please don’t be mad at me. I know you say you’re fine now, but I know you, Cony. I know you even though I didn’t know you like you wanted to. 

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V won’t allow me to talk to you like this anymore, so I will write to you instead. I was the one being insensitive, and I am sorry. But I miss you a lot, Cony; ever since I saw you again, I have missed you even more. Even just at passing in that crowded restaurant in California, I can’t stop tearing up seeing your face. 

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The future now haunts me more than the past, and the present is terrifying without you. But though I wish you were here with me, I hope one day you can look me in my eyes and see your reflection again. 

 

Forgive me, Cony, if I still love you too much. 

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I miss you, Cony