Trying to learn about love

Hi friends,

My brother and I have a ritual where we would see a movie together every Tuesdays. Sometimes we are lucky and get a good movie, but sometimes we don't. However, I cherish this activity so much because it allows me to talk to him about anything and everything while we're driving to and from the theatre.

Tonight was another one of those nights. Honestly, I really am guilty of abandoning this routine for the last few weeks due to my overwhelmed emotional issues. But on the way back, he asked me a fascinating question, and one that everyone probably had asked already, "Can you define true love?" (Today's movie was Puss in Boots).

I myself am no expert in love. I am a biologist by education and a medical professional by occupation. I do have many hobbies and dreams, and falling deeply in love with someone has always been one of them. Though I must admit, this particular activity is quite dangerous, with mortality rate high above any stoppage of available cure.

However, as a master of self-inflicted heart wounds, I was quite confident in answering his question, which I am also eager to share with you here.

I see two different types of love, one where you are in love with someone, and one where you are in love with the idea, thought, or act of being in love with someone.

Most of us (speaking of myself multiplied by a few billions) crave love. We enjoy that act of sharing a kiss, a box of chocolate, or an overpriced brunch with someone. We crave it so much that sometimes we would go all the distance and brave all the risks to fulfill this craving. And it's a beautiful thing. I mean, if you're able to fall in love at all, you would know that anything done with another special person is beautiful. Washing dishes together? It's beautiful. Cooking crappy foods together? It's beautiful. Even barbaric acts like biting your lover's finger and leaving a scar? It's beautiful.

However, one must eventually separate these beautiful moments from reality. The reality of whether or not one loves that person.

You can do this test that I proudly came up with.

You take everything away.

I don't mean you actually do it and torture the other person, do it in your head! You take the joy of seeing her face away. You take the joy of talking to her away. You take the "good morning" gifs and the goodnight ducky kisses away. You take everything away like a soldier leaving for war.

Do you still love her? Do you still love her now that all the things you can do with her are gone from you? If you do, friends, you're truly in love with her.

Because otherwise, you got yourself the diagnosis: You're in love with being in love with her and not actually in love with her.

And loving the act of being in love with someone? That's not too special. Anyone can fulfill this role, albeit with different variations, but still, anyone. You will end up getting bored or disappointed and change out your cardigan for a jacket.

So there it is, friend. Can I define true love with this test? Not really, but I can at least determine for myself if I am just filling my needs through someone or if I can just be a rock and still love that rock next to me.

I hope you find this think thing helpful.

d.s.l.